A Complete Guide on Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is to torture a person by making use of his/her power, abusing the other person physically, sexually, or even emotionally. It was initially referred to as ‘wife abuse’ but in the changing times, it has been seen that its victims can also be any other family member or roommate. According to the NCR (National Crime Bureau Record), every 4th woman has gone through domestic violence once in her lifetime, even though it does not make it to the news because many don’t report it. In rural areas, however, the reported cases are much less than the actual number of domestic violence incidents taking place because they are not well aware of the fact that it is wrong in the first place. They are not educated and it is still taboo to discuss such matters there. Domestic violence takes place in urban areas as well, but the only difference is that people are much more educated about these things and they do not shy away from reporting it in most cases.

In the year 2020 when the coronavirus pandemic was at its peak, a strict lockdown was declared by the government and people had to stay inside their homes. Though it was a cakewalk for many as they had the basic luxuries of a proper home, a family who can trust, and overall a loving environment to stay in without any issues.  But for millions of women, ‘staying home’ did not equal safety. Many were unfortunately trapped with their abusers in the house and nowhere else to go. There was a rise in the numbers of marital rapes which in India is not considered an offence.

Different Types of Domestic Violence

1. Physical violence – This type of violence includes any abuse which involves touch by using any part of the body like beating, throwing the women from the stairs, etc.

2. Sexual abuse – This type of violence includes forcing the woman to take do sexual activities with him. Even after marriage, the husband does not gain the right to have sexual intercourse with his wife whenever he feels like it. There has to be consent from both parties otherwise it is known as marital rape. And as vague as it might sound to some people who think rapes can’t be committed by her own husband, it is true and does happen in the real world.

3. Economic/Financial Abuse- This type of abuse means when someone controls the partner’s financial resources or misuses them. Like not allowing the woman to do a job or demanding a lot of money from the woman’s family or snatching away money if the wife earns any.

4. Emotional abuse- This type of violence includes harassing the woman to defame her in the eyes of society, not treating her nicely, and making her feel bad all the time by using foul language, hurting her emotions, commenting about her character.

5. Spiritual or cultural violence – This type of violence includes when a person is harmed because of the religion she follows, her beliefs, her traditions, and the practices of her culture.

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However, Domestic violence does not always mean that something is done to harm the person. It sometimes also means neglecting the needs of a person. For instance, if someone is responsible for taking care and providing assistance to the person and he does not, it also amounts to a kind of domestic violence.

The Vicious Cycle of Domestic Violence

1. Tension building – This is where it starts building up and the tension starts to rise. The tension feels like it’s there in the air and anxiety starts to build. The behavior of the abuser starts to change during this tension-building phase of domestic violence. He starts changing the way and tone of speaking to his partner and starts to blame her for him being so agitated. The abuser starts to get angry and starts to speak to her in a derogatory way and there is a breakdown of communication. The victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm.

2. Incident – The actual violence starts in this phase. Not necessarily it has to be physical, it can also be sexual or emotional. The abuser sometimes might have a go-to abuse to start from and then it leads to all the others. But generally, the abuse ends up being physical and the partner starts to hit his wife. This is followed by blaming her and telling her that she is the one at fault and she is the one having a problem.

3. Making up and calming the situation down- The abuser then may end up apologizing for the abuse. He may promise that it will never happen again and tell her that he did not realize what he was doing. The abuser may give gifts to the victim which confuses the victim and this imposes her to believe that the abuse might be over or it might have happened for her own good. The abuser may also, as stated above, put the blame on the victim. And sometimes even deny the abuse that it even took place or might say that it was not as bad as the victim claims it to be. Basically, they just try to undo everything that happened. 

And then this vicious cycle continues and it again starts with tension, starts building, and then the abuse and making up for it. This is just a cycle in which the victim is tricked into. Domestic violence also takes place in homosexual relationships. But majorly in heterosexual couples where the wife is the victim in 99 % of cases. If the victims do not seek help in such situations after the initial few times, it only tends to get worse and not any better with time. Long periods of domestic violence make the victims depressed and even suicidal. It leads to unwanted pregnancy. Victims of domestic violence also have difficulty in raising their child if they get separated from the abuser or even if they live together. If the parents would not get separated it hampers the child while growing up since he will witness his parents fighting and abusing and might face emotional problems, get into drugs, or any other addiction. Without any doubt, he might also be the victim of abuse, because if the person can abuse his wife, he can also exploit his child. And if they get separated, it hampers the growth of the child in some way or the other because apart from the need of a mother, the child equally needs a father for a healthy and loving childhood. After getting a child it makes it even difficult for the women to move away from the abuser because of many society taboos like “how would a single parent(mother) manage a child with the father?”. Divorced women are looked down on in society even today in some remote areas and even urban areas in fact. Society always sees that the women might be in fault. Many victims who come out of such domestic violence generally have the support of at least someone, might be her family or a friend, or because she is financially independent. Sometimes even though there is no backing of anyone, she comes out of it very bravely. But millions of women are unable to just stand up for themselves because they are financially dependent on their partner, they don’t have the support of anybody and even her own family pushes her to “adjust” with her abusive husband. A lot of courage is required to start a new life after someone has faced so much abuse for many months or years of her life. It is even more difficult for such people to start believing in love and marriage again and trust people.